Themes of violence and masculinity keep cropping up in the book Searching for Intruders by Stephen Raleigh Byler, and I think in some ways, these are the intruders on Wilson and Melody's relationship. In the story “Roaches” we learn that the the couple are sexually distant partly because Melody has the heavy task of counselling victims of sexual assault all day and is depressed by the connections between violence and sex that she sees all the time in her work. I think that Melody's pent-up physical/sexual violence from work takes an emotional form. While it's true that Wilson's character is often annoyingly helpless and bumbling, I find myself feeling sorry for him when Melody treats him so coldly and punishes him through different emotional blackmailing techniques.
In “Helper” we see emotional and physical violence intruding on a different relationship between a couple who Wilson spots fighting at the side of the road. Wilson points out somewhat naively, “If you two love each other, then you shouldn't be . . . beating on each other like that,” and this is the moment that the man backs down somewhat. Perhaps he realizes that it is the violence that is interfering in the relationship. In both of these stories, Byler doesn't really inform the reader what exactly the core problem in each relationship is. We know that there is probably some problem behind the fight that we are seeing, but because we don't know what initially triggered the conflict, the violence—both physical and emotional—of the fight becomes most problematic.In both of these relationships, both partners fail to see the conflict from the other's perspective. When Wilson attempts to understand the man at the side of the road rather than just having a fist fight with him, on the other hand, the man (while maybe not transformed) begins to at least listen to Wilson.
I think it's interesting that one of the few books/pieces of literature that we've read by a man so far in the semester is so much more centered on issues of violence than anything else we've read. It makes sense, though. Violence is stereotypically a more masculine attribute, which must make it difficult for pacifist Mennonite men to prove themselves and their masculinity in mainstream culture while still retaining their pacifism. These conflicting loyalties could be the struggle that Wilson faces and what makes him seem so inept. Traditional Mennonites were more separatist so men could be freer to express their more “feminine” pacifist beliefs and traits within the community without fearing judgment. But now that Mennonites are more engaged in mainstream culture, they struggle with double standards. Men especially face constant questions of identity when their pacifist and worldly values come into conflict.
I appreciate how although the violence seems to conform to a masculine stereotype in the novel, Wilson had some attributes that complicated his character a bit more, revealed in his hesitance toward participating in the violence. It's interesting to see how much of the violence stems from miscommunication, which there seems to be much of in the church -- no wonder learning to use peace instead seems to be such a preoccupation of the church.
ReplyDeleteThese stories feel heavily tinted with sexual closeness and distance. Melody's occupation gives us an explanation for their sexual distance in Roaches, and then Beauty Queen explains that even more, hinting that a past mistake of Wilson's (lying about his virginity, then not clearing up his lie before taking Melody's virginity) has led Melody to seek such an occupation and also hinting at a reason that their sexual relationship isn't 'whole.'
ReplyDeleteTo me, Wilson's reluctance to enter into the violence that seems to follow him everywhere (it comes at him from his past, his mind, his wife's job, his wife, men at bars, people on the side of the road, planes, his friend's parents...violence is everywhere in this book!) has been his most sympathetic trait. He is a hard character to process and his impersonal narrative style doesn't help. But on almost every page he's struggling (against so many things) to remain non-violent. I think you're completely right - that is what creates the identity crisis that leaves him so "inept." Ineptness for peace.....I guess that's sort of admirable?
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I had a quote pop into my head: "Yeah. Be a man." A question that I always want to ask pacifists is what they would do if someone broke into their house and held everyone at gunpoint. Would the pacifist try and "make peace" or he/she try to fight the person with the gun? I don't care if I have to go to school or work or live around pacifists. The only problem that I have with pacifists is the question I want to ask them. I don't care if they are pacifists if their neighbor is in trouble, but what about their very own family? Even when I had to take Violence & Non-Violence last semester, my question always rose and was never answered. Sometimes, you have to get your hands dirty.
ReplyDelete